1000 Hits!

It has been almost a month since I started this blog.

I have only told my close friends and family about it and really I never actually expected them to read it. But they have!

So today I checked to see how many unique hits I have recieved on my site….and I was shocked. 1009 unique hits! Since I only told about 15 people that I was writing this blog, that means 994 strangers have actually read my scribblings. This is the best feeling. It is nice to know someone else is out there in the great, black abyss.

This blog has become a special place for me. Writing is one of those things where you simply can’t win. It is the song that never ends (it just goes on and on my friends). It’s something that grows from the strangest part of a personality. And when you boil writing down to its core, it is probably just a human need to connect. It’s a hope of having a conversation about the muck and miracles that infiltrate a human timeline.

Thank you all...whoever you are...for helping me fulfill my need to connect. It is nice to know you aren’t alone.

I mean really...

It is old news at this point, but I have been meaning to comment on this.

Last week, Al Sharpton blasted Tiger Woods for his “lack of mistress diversity.”

I know Al Sharpton feels the need to inject his commentary on every subject under the sun but the fact that he would create this type of racial satire is just plain unsettling.

Talk about missing the point!

And really for those who are curious about Tiger Woods' taste in women they should consider this: Tiger is a busy man. How could he possibly fulfill his endorsement obligations, his golf game training, his family life, PLUS find a racial diverse group of women!!

POWER

“It is possible for us to come into a certain power, an intuition that sings, that is not squeamish, that travels through self obsession to someplace beyond it, that employs narcissism in the name of compassion and courage.”
-Mary Gaitskill

When I enter a contemplative phase…I research. So today, I came across an article on the idea of power, which resonated with me.

When thinking of the idea of power, I think there is a spectrum to consider. I think powerlessness is one of the most debilitating conditions human beings can experience. But can too much power be just as harmful? I think we all need to find a balance.

Deborah Gruenfeld, a professor at Stanford, has studied the nature of power since the 1980’s. Her studies argue that high-powered people are less compassionate. Power can make people positively overestimate how others view them and transform the way they approach the world. People who have authority tend to favor people who are useful to them, regardless of whether they’re likable. Power inflates the sense that your own needs and goals are more important and creates a tendency to disregard what others are experiencing.

So I think the question becomes…How can we harness power without letting is harness us?

First, I think we have to stop thinking of power in the literal sense that is reinforced in our society. Because really, that power is not real.

Real power comes from empowerment, which comes through us not from us.

Embracing my Girliness

Girls love to dress up for stuff. Admit it girls. I am. It changes the whole dynamic of the night.

Fellas, look at your girlfriend. She’s taking it easy in some workout pants and a wifebeater. She’s drinking a glass of wine watching So You Think You Can Dance. She looks happy, right? Wrong. That girl is wishing she had a reason to dress up for something. :):)

The Moth

These stories will make you think and make you laugh. Check them out!

http://www.themoth.org/listen

Pen Not Pants!!

I was in the security line at the airport standing next too a mother and child. The mother was arguing with her 2 and half maybe 3-year-old daughter. Her daughter was sucking happily on a pen… which I understand, I do not have a pen left that has not been chewed up…so I can relate to this pleasure. Anyway, the mother said, “Stop it! Give me your pen!” It was clear her daughter was not listening well. It was clear because she proceeded to take off her pants and hand them to her mother. “Here you go mom!”

Her mother, of course flustered and embarrassed, shreiked, “Not your pants honey not your pants!...your pen.”

The little girl had no idea what all the fuss was about. It was so sweet and innocent.

If only we all still had the innocence a of child! How great would that be!!

The Opposite is Also True

Relief

“When you sit right down in the middle of yourself
you're gonna wanna have a comfortable chair
so renovate your soul before you get too old
cuz you're gonna be housebound there”

Hooray! Today I finally felt lighter than I have in months! I have spent the majority of 2009 stressed out and anxious.

I treated myself to a massage this morning. I was expecting an hour of relaxation but instead I received an exorcism. Who knew my masseuse, a husky woman with a uni-brow and strong hands, would turn out to be such a healer!

At the beginning of the massage, Helen asked if there was a reason why my back and shoulders were up against my ears. I simply replied, “It has been a stressful week.”

She began to work on my shoulders first, lamenting that they would not release. She asked me if I had been holding on to something. I said No. She said…well, your female yin meridian has a huge knot in it. I thought…what the hell is a female yin meridian. I have gotten many massages and I have never heard this term used before.

She told me to take a deep breath. As I did, she pushed really hard on this one point….and all of a sudden tears started running down my face. That has never happened to me before and I have had turquoise stone energy Indian massages that were supposed to change the color of my aura but instead only made me sneeze because there was too much incense in the room.

I was slightly embarrassed but Helen assured me that this is what was supposed to happen. I was releasing whatever I was holding on too. Which to me actually made sense.

All I know is after I felt great! And since, I have just been thinking how nice it is going to be to finally have time to bring some beauty back into my life.

As hard as change is, it really can be amazing!

So It Goes....

So I am definitely in an emotional place right now, which I am not a fan of. I like to live happily in my logical rational brain. But that is not going to happen at this moment in time, so I am going to have to suck it up and just feel.

Yesterday, I was forced to face one of my biggest fears. For the first time in my life I lost my job.

I have succeeded at most things in my life, especially jobs. I have always been ambitious which has allowed me to climb the corporate ladder quickly. Well…yesterday, I fell off!

So now I find myself in uncharted waters facing my first career set back. I am feeling naked and exposed. I definitely have some growing pains to go through in my near future.

It is true what they say…be careful what you wish for…because my wish came true!

The recession has taken a big toll on my company, which has been on the steady decline for over a year. When I first took the job almost 4 years ago I thought I had struck a gold mine: good boss, great product, wonderful co-workers, casual environment, good money. It was the complete package. Now, besides wonderful co-workers who became great friends, none of the above applies. It is hard to accept the reality that your current situation has become toxic. It is in our nature to hold on to hope…which I did for a long time. But recently, I let go and was wishing for a way out.

Being the control freak that I am however, I had a very specific timeline in my head. I was planning my exit, my way, on my time.

Well life definitely does not go according to YOUR plan! The decision was made for me.

Even though my logical brain is shouting “Yeah, this is a blessing in disguise, this worked out perfectly, it is not your fault, you know you did a wonderful job, it is the economy…my ego and emotional brain is pissed and hurt and is kicking my logical brain's ass! It does not like losing control. And now that it is gone, I realize how much of my identity was wrapped up in my work. Even if it was an unhappy one.

I think we fear change because our self-definition always gets so invested in our current situation. So basically, with change, we fear loosing a part of ourselves forever.

As I write this though, I am feeling hopeful. I know it will take time to bounce back and regain confidence. But when I do, and I know it won’t take long….skies the limit!! Here I come!!

Labels are Dangerous

My own Jr. High sparked a national controversy this week.

Inspired by a South Park episode focused on prejudice against 'gingers,' a label given to people with red hair, fair skin, and freckles, kids at A.E. Wright Middle School participated in the beatings of redheaded classmates in honor of ‘Kick a Ginger Day.’

First of all, how crazy is that? I know kids can be easily influenced and persuaded by peer pressure but when did they become just plain mean and stupid?

Is this our fault? Did we just ASSUME they understood the difference between right wrong?

Are we supposed to now hold the creaters of South Park accountable? If we did, wouldn't that just negate our constitutional right of free speech?

I don't know...but I think we might just have to own up to this one.

When I first heard about this story at the Thanksgiving dinner table, I was shocked. We all were. But then, as all dinner conversations go, we moved onto the next topic.

I really did not think about it again until today when I was at lunch with my dad.

A 10 year old readheaded little boy walked by me and I subconsiously said to myslef…kick a ginger…and then felt bad for this boy who had red hair and would be discrimnated against.

I confessed this thought to my dad who right away said…”I was thinking the same thing.”

Which made me then get angry that the media had taken this occurance and nationalized it.

Basically, the media just made us all subconsiously associate a negative thought with red headed people that we never would have had to begin with.

And this is exactly why labels are so dangerous and how prejudices become self-fulfilling profecies!

Elizabeth Gilbert on Creative Genius

If you have not read Elizabeth Gilbert's book Eat, Pray, Love you should because it is amazing.

She spoke at the TED conference this year about the creative process and how it defines us.

She is really a great speaker. Poignant and articulate. I really enjoyed it. I hope you do too.

Feeling Loved

“Celebrate we will because life is short but sweet for certain.”
-Dave Matthews

Cheers to me!! Today I turned 28 years old. I have already had a great day! I just returned from a lunch with friends filled with laughter and have been showered with love and birthday wishes throughout the day. I am a lucky girl! And right now I feel Happy.

I usually resist my birthday. I never love the idea of attention. But really, there is nothing better than a good celebration with people you love whether it’s your celebration or theirs.

Ketchup Issues

I realized this weekend that my childhood ketchup issues still have not been resolved.

I was out to dinner with friends and we ordered bbq pulled pork sliders. My friend proceeding to put ketchup on his thoroughly smothered bbq slider. I gasped and said “What are you doing you are ruining it!” He responded,” What, I love ketchup!”

I thought to myself…yea I love ketchup too but there are boundaries you don’t cross with that condiment. But then I realized what I was actually feeling was jealousy. I wanted to put ketchup on my slider too. I want to put ketchup on everything but I am still haunted by childhood ketchup trauma.

So this is why I have ketchup issues…

When I was a kid I loved ketchup, I put it on everything. In place of mayonnaise on a turkey sandwich, I would put ketchup. Gross, I know! Well, during lunch time in maybe 3rd or 4th grade…I can’t remember…a mean little boy noticed my strange ketchup sandwich and proceeded to start a rumor that I put ketchup in my cereal. I mean come on, that is just insane. But you know how kids are. They all believed him and I was known as the weird ketchup girl for who knows how long!

It is funny how little things from your childhood stick with you.

But from now on…I will not be embarrassed of my love for ketchup. That’s right, I said it. I LOVE KETCHUP.

Reality Bites

"We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are."
-Anais Nin

Do you ever find yourself in a situation or interaction that just leaves you dumfounded? You think you should be able to understand ones motives? You would like to be able to put yourself in their shoes. But then you realize that there is no way those size 6 shoes are going to fit on your size 10 foot!

We are all connected and experience the same feelings but at the end of the day we all have a different reality. We think we are seeing things as they are but really we are seeing them as we are.

Perception is a funny thing, isn’t it? In growing up, what others say about us, or our perception of what they think based on the reactions of others, tends to act as a mirror for how we see ourselves. But aren’t we supposed to grow out of that? Shouldn’t we find that when it comes to being able to actualize our potential, being true to ourselves is necessary and that we cannot control how others perceive us? We can only control our actions.

This sounds like a nice life lesson but even as adults it seems perception still haunts us, easily shifts our attitudes and is difficult to change.

So the next time you find yourself in a “size 6” situation, just quietly repeat to yourself. They live in their reality, I live in mine. Oh yeah...and mine is definitely better!!

Slowing Down

I am a busy girl. I hate errands...unless I am shopping for clothes. I avoid them as much as possible and when I can’t, the mission is to get them done as fast as I can. First I create a list, get focused, keep my head down, avoid eye contact and then execute the task.

So today, I was at the grocery store picking up some fruit, and an elderly man came up to me and said “You are the size of my grandson!” Usually, I would smile, give a courtesy laugh and move away quickly. But instead I asked “Really? How tall is he?” (I get height questions all the time… I am a centimeter under 6ft tall). He responded “He is about 6-3 or 6-4.” In my mind I thought…great I look like a giant man...that’s comforting! But to give the old man credit, he was half the size of me, so I am sure I was an overwhelming site.

Anyway, I simply asked him how his day was going. He proceeded to go over his grocery list with me and tell me about his Thanksgiving Day plans… which went on for awhile. Although it was difficult, I resisted the urge to cut the conversation short. When he finally finished his thoughts he had the biggest smile on his face…which in turn made me smile. Then we went our different ways.

I slowed down, listened to and acknowledged a stranger which made a stranger smile and in the process made my day better. Small gestures can go a long way, especially these days when we avoid eye contact and pay more attention to our blackberries and I phones than we do to each other.

Existential Crisis

I am a sucker for display cases, especially those that contain small books or magazines about topics that I am curious about. Usually anything about philosophy, history, psychology or fashion is a guaranteed buy. Thank goodness Wikipedia came along. It has saved me a lot of money!

The other day I went to buy a Yoga DVD at Barnes and Noble and what do you know, I ended up with a series of “A Brief Insight” books about philosophy and religion.

So this week I am becoming an expert on Existentialism. It just sounds cool, right? And now I get to reference philosophers like Nietzsche and Sartre and know what I am talking about.

To review, Existentialism is a person-centered philosophy. Its focus is on the human individual’s pursuit of identity and meaning amidst the social and economic pressures of mass society for superficiality and conformism. Existentialism stresses that a person’s judgment is the determining factor for what is to be believed rather than by arbitrary religious or secular world values.

If you are a believer in free will over fate and tend to enjoy being “in control” then existentialism is your philosophy.

It is in our nature to go with the flow of those around us. To be an existentialist the goal is to fight against the masses and seek true authenticity. With this achievement however, comes the likelihood of being ostracized and experiencing more anxiety with failure because there is no one else to blame but yourself.

Nietzsche believed that the “herd” would succumb to a certain nihilism following its loss of faith in God, but that the “free spirits” would survive this plague by embracing this situation and creating their own truths and values.

The problem with this philosophy is how can one be happy in a world devoid of external significance and meaning?

So the question still remains. Are you a believer in fate or free will?

Capturing Joy in Words

I love Ani Difranco, even after all these years. As I was driving home, she popped up on my IPOD and reminded me how many times I have repeated her lyrics in my head.

Here is one my favorites…

“I feel you make love to me slightly
Every time you let a little laugh slip too soon
And the moment passes over us so lightly
It feels like sand blowing over a dune”
-Ani Difranco

We all need a little Corny

Here goes my first post...

I am fighting a little embarassment over the idea of blogging. So I decided I needed to rip the band aid and confess to my coworker and ask her to be my first follower. And what do you know, I found my first inspiration for the day. Instead of laughing at me, she showed me a list of quotes she keeps on her phone that have touched or inspired her...which shows me that maybe I am on to something! As she read them to me she blushed and said "I know these are all so corny."

What's wrong with corny? Why should we be embarassed to share what we think others will view as corny if it something that fills our spirit.

Her list of positive afirmations and quotes have helped her get through a difficult day. Which made me think...sometimes we all need a little corny to put things in perspective.

So I will end this post with the most current quote she added to her list last night when watching the Wizard of Oz.

"A heart is not judged by how much you love; but by how much you are loved by others" - Wizard of OZ